MITCH "COMPLEX CARDIAC PROCEDURE" FAERF (mrmaccabee@tobyvision.com)
Mitch "The Mad Pseudonym" Faerf was born the son of peasant farmers in early 19th century France.   Even at the bright young age of 27, she had big dreams.  "I wanna be Scott Baio!", was her favorite phrase.  Unfortunately, there was already a Scott Baio on this earth.

Devastated, her dreams having collapsed, she decided to go into dung farming.   After 30 years of farming, Faerf (aka. Tinkles) chose a different path: porn director.  After creating the legendary porn film Tricky Dick: The Watergate Saga, Only With Naked People, she retired.

She now resides in Texas with her gay lover, Rock McCharming.

Name:  Cardiac Procedure
Location:  The back of Richard Simmons
Birthday:  May 14th
Favorite Candy:  Some Japanese candy called "Pnuts". I think the main reason why I like it is the fact that it has this scary picture of a peanut with a woman's face on the wrapper.
Favorite Thing:  Ernest Borgnine
Least Favorite Thing:  Feet
Favorite Quote:  "I want to see this (Bosom Buddies) video only to see Peter Scolari and Tom Hanks dressed in WOMEN."--French Amazon.com customer
Person She Would Like to Spend All Saint's Day With Most:  Joel Hodgson

ROCK "LUBRICANT" MCCHARMING (evilboss@tobyvision.com)
Rock Randall McCharming was born in a secluded manger on July 6, 1837, in Dublin, Ireland, under the name "Christy Mahon".  At age 6, he learned the joy of incest by shacking up with the late Lord Byron's half-sister, producing a baby girl (Ruth) who was killed shortly afterwards by evil minions of writer Jonathan Swift.

McCharming recovered from this tragedy by inexplicably fast-forwarding to the year 1903.   In Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, Rock operated the camera that filmed the Wright Brothers doing that goofy-looking pathetic flying thing, but he operated that manual speed control thing way too erratically, making the Brothers appear to be drunken idiots (early ValuJet pilots?). This so crippled the flying industry that the Brothers gave up on the idea, and to this day, no one has ever flown a plane again.  Instead, the Brothers created a slew of delightful board games that would go on to thrill families nationwide.

Rock enjoyed a long, prosperous career in the board game business, despite having absolutely nothing to do with it.  However, in 1982, he cheated at Clue, peeking at the culprit and the weapon while the other two players (his father and his sister) took a bathroom break.  So shamed was McCharming that he quit the business, moving on to a thriving career in aimless wandering that he continues to this day.

Rock, 163, is married to the former Mary Todd Lincoln.  They reside in Moscow, Idaho with their pet goat, Boothie.

Name: Bryce
Occupation: hair stylist
Spanish word for "green": verde
Official Language of These United States: English, dad-gummit
Opinion of School Headmasters: bad
Desire to Continue With This List: none

ALEXANDRA "ARDIE" MORRISON
Alexandra Morrison was born the love child of actor Gerard Depardieu and baseball commissioner Bud Selig.  Her July 1938 birth is believed by many historians to have been the trigger event for World War II.

Morrison's career began as a member of The Little Rascals.  Her character was quickly written out of the show once it became clear she could not work with Alfalfa.   Moving on to bigger and better things, she became best known for playing the role of "Little Ricky" on I Love Lucy from 1953-57.  In the 1960s, Morrison began sinking into a dark world filled with drugs, booze, and candy corn.   Luckily, she recovered, and in 1978 joined the cast of All in the Family as little Stephanie, the adorable child adopted by the Bunkers in a desperate attempt to reinvigorate the sagging series.  That attempt failed, but Morrison's career continued to thrive anyway.  She accepted, and shone in, the role of Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes for eight hilarious seasons.

Alas, young Alexandra soon grew tired of the business.  Calling Hollywood a "cancer-ridden hellhole filled with fake tits," Morrison joined a Belgrade monastery in late 1991.  But in 1994, she got the acting bug again, touring the world as Annie until she was tragically cut down by a degenerative toe disease, now known as Morrison's Syndrome.  She gradually withdrew from society, and died in 1998.

Currently, Ms. Morrison is the web designer of the worst site in the history of western civilization.

Favorite Food:  Gruel
Favorite Toe:  ::weeps::
Advice For Youngsters:  Never eat reheated french fries.
Opinion Of Mice:  They're cute.
World's Biggest Asshole: Steve Ruiz
Is "GULLIBLE" In Dictionary?:  No.