The Interview of

Get our Captain Honeydukes merchandise here!

In a Tobyvision special presentation, we sat down with America's favorite violent illiterate slug, and asked him a wide range of questions.  We hope you enjoy this journey into the mind of an idiot.

Tobyvision.com:  Thank you for your time, Captain Honeydukes.  Let me begin with the basics.  Why are you always so ANGRY?
The Cap'n:  becaujse I l;ike it.

Tobyvision.com:  Many psychologists suspect you were mistreated by your mother.  True?
The Cap'n:  fuck ass

Tobyvision.com:  Do you suspect that Iran will behave itself as long as the United States is largely seen as pinpointing terrorism as a target rather than Islam as a whole?
The Cap'n:  i hate commies

Tobyvision.com:  Have you ever considered not hitting Lady Skanksalot?
The Cap'n:  yes, once while hitting her.  Then I laughes/

Tobyvision.com:  Personal question:  How do you pee?  I mean, look at those hands.  What do you do at a urinal?
The Cap'n:  i takr a piss;

Tobyvision.com:  Ginger or Mary Ann?
The Cap'n:  i lik4e tits

Tobyvision.com:  Have you read the book Heather Has Two Mommies?
The Cap'n:  my groin was pleased with it

Tobyvision.com:  Do you believe in concepts like String Theory, or do you instead tend towards the belief that humans are alone in the universe and know all there is to know about the laws of physics and the universe as a whole?
The Cap'n:  punch>

Tobyvision.com:  Ouch.   Have you ever been arrested, you dick?
The Cap'n:  once at a blind mellon cpncert

Tobyvision.com:  Did Joanie really love Chachi, or was Joanie just overcompensating because Howard Cunningham disliked Hispanics?
The Cap'n:  howard = good thighs

Tobyvision.com:  Give your opinion of the French.
The Cap'n:  i a,m french

Tobyvision.com:  Okay.   Then give your opinion of North Koreans.
The Cap'n:  wet nood;es on ice

Tobyvision.com:  I don't think you can say that, Mr. Honeydukes.
The Cap'n:  lick my bals

Tobyvision.com:  Most people don't realize that you have a vote every year at the Academy Awards.  Which film won your vote last year for Best Picture?
The Cap'n:  The Cider House Rules.  I felt it was a delightful romp that taught us all about life -- and maybe, just maybe, something about love.  I highly recommend it for its zestful charm.

Tobyvision.com:  Jose the Magic Tampon says you act tough to compensate for embarrassingly small genitalia.   Comments?
The Cap'n:  he;s just angry becaude i beat him at an absorptionn showdown last fall

Tobyvision.com:  Kitty Van Buren claims she enjoyed a passionate night with you back in '94.  True?   And if so, how's she in the sack?
The Cap'n:  ho

Tobyvision.com:  Can you spell "assault"?
The Cap'n:  Y-O-U-R   M-O-T-H-E-R-'S  T-H-I-G-H-S

Tobyvision.com:  Have you ever cheated on Lady Skanksalot?
The Cap'n:  bitcyh

Tobyvision.com:  Do you ever enjoy a good cry?
The Cap'n:  sometimnes when i watc h opra

Tobyvision.com:  Thank you for this interview, Captain.  I trust you enjoyed letting your fans have a sneak peek into the life of their icon.
The Cap'n:  ass