EPISODE #104:  WHAT'S AMNESIA?

SEGMENT ONE
The episode begins with Jesus happily enjoying the Mets-Phillies game on TV.  Jesus cheers after Edgardo Alfonzo raps an RBI double, and decides to celebrate by getting some Cheez-Its.

Just then, Jesus' pal Doubting R. Thomas III bursts through the front door, accidentally braining Jesus, who was on his way to the kitchen.  The Messiah staggers backwards, holding his head and going "Owie."  Doubting, oblivious to Jesus' pain, nervously begins shouting, "I just heard there were moneylenders at the temple!"  Jesus, unable to muster a coherent response, is dragged out of his apartment by Doubting, who insists that Jesus take care of this problem.

SEGMENT TWO
While driving to the temple, Doubting continues to ramble about the sin of moneylending.   Suddenly, Jesus -- still holding his injured head -- interrupts him.   "Moneylending?  What's that?"

"You're kidding, right Jeez-baby?" says a nervous Doubting R. Thomas III.   But when Jesus asks who HE is, Doubting knows there's a problem.  "Oh no, Jesus!  You've got amnesia!"

"What's amnesia?" Jesus responds, causing convulsive guffawing from the laugh track.  Recalling that he opened a door into Jesus' face a few minutes before, it all begins to come together for Doubting.  Unsure of what to do, he pulls into Jesus' parking space at the temple and leads him inside, hoping perhaps it will jog his memory.

Inside, vendors are selling things such as Nike shoes, authentic Philadelphia Flyers jerseys, and Coors Light.  A preacher is giving a sermon about why Bounty is the quicker-picker-upper and why one should avoid generic paper towel brands.  Ordinarily, all this would anger Jesus, but instead he decides to purchase a New York Mets baseball cap.  "I don't know what this 'NY' signifies, but it sure is swell!" says the Lord and Savior.

Realizing Jesus is not himself, Doubting drags him back to the car ("What's this metallic load of crap?" Jesus hilariously says) and takes him to a hospital.

SEGMENT THREE
Upon arriving at the hospital, Thomas begins arguing with the lady at the front desk.  Insisting the situation is an emergency, he decks the lady and leads Jesus through the hallways of the hospital.  They bump into and knock down several doctors, nurses, and pregnant women on their way to the emergency room.

Once in the ER, Doubting is relieved to hear a doctor approach and say "How can I help you?"  Relieved, that is, until he realized that the doctor was none other than Dr. Satan P. Buchanan, M.D.

Doubting runs away screaming, and Satan looks Jesus over, a smile slowly coming across his face.  "Well Jesus, while it's normally my goal to somewhat heal patients while collecting gigantic sums of their money, I've got something special for you.  I keep a giant hammer in my office for just this sort of occasion."  Jesus, not able to remember what a hammer is, just stands there looking stupid as Dr. Buchanan retrieves it and clobbers him over the head with it.

Naturally, this cures Jesus' amnesia.  Immediately recognizing Satan and his evil deeds, Jesus instantly smites him with a malpractice suit and runs off as the dastardly Dr. Buchanan screams in horror.  He meets Doubting in the waiting room, assures him he's all better, and they get up to leave.  On their way out, Doubting apologizes to the lady at the front desk for punching her earlier.

"What's a punch?" the dazed lady says.  Doubting and Jesus give a consternated look to the camera as the show ends.

GOLDEN QUOTE
"From the looks of that scruffy beard, he's never known what a razor was.   Now sit down and wait patiently, sir."
--lady at the hospital front desk, speaking to Doubting R. Thomas III

REFLECTIONS ON EPISODE #104
"This episode called for a lot of physical comedy, so it's a good thing that Jesus is a master of that medium.  We suggested that He might want to use a stunt double for some of the scenes, but He reacted as if we'd insulted the Virgin Mary.  Don't let anybody tell you Jesus isn't a showman.  He insisted on doing all the scenes himself, and he really took quite a beating when we had to do several takes.  We actually had to stop production one time after He suffered multiple contusions during the last scene with Sate Man."
--Jose the Magic Tampon

EPISODE CREDITS
PRODUCED BY:  Tobyvision, Inc.
DIRECTED BY:  Jose the Magic Tampon
WRITTEN BY: Toby the Fork (head writer), Jesus D.M. Christ, Erin K. Gleeson, Captain Honeydukes, Jose The Magic Tampon, Norm Mankelstein, Steve Ruiz
CONTRIBUTING WRITER:  Kitty Van Buren
STARRING:  Jesus D.M. Christ as Himself ... Bea Arthur as Doubting R. Thomas III ... Alan Thicke as the preacher ... Catherine the Great as Lady at the Front Desk ... Satan P. Buchanan as himself

THIS EPISODE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF
HERBERT MCPHERSON (1949-2001)

For our What About Jesus? pre-launch interview with the Messiah Himself, click here!