EPISODE #105:  DOUBLE TROUBLE!

SEGMENT ONE
Jesus is getting ready for a guest!  We see him rearranging furniture in excitement, singing favorites from Fiddler on the Roof to himself all the while.  As he runs back and forth across his charmingly small apartment, Doubting R. Thomas bursts in.  He throws open the door, hits Jesus' armful of books and sends them flying.  Jesus attempts to pick up the books, but a hearty slap on the back from Thomas knocks him over.

"Hey pal!", cries a cheerful Doubting R. Thomas.  Jesus looks annoyed as he brushes himself off.  He explains to Doubting that his cousin is visiting from Pittsburgh.  Doubting offers to help out, and Jesus hesitates.  After all, Tommyboy doesn't have the cleanest apartment in the world!  (laugh track)

Jesus eventually accepts, causing Thomas to giddily run about the apartment in an attempt to clean up.  A nervous Jesus follows him around, trying to catch everything the Doubt Man knocks over.  Unfortunately, Jesus ignores him for a moment to take a look as his latest issue of Messiah Weekly.  In that split second, we hear a crash off camera and a muttered curse from Thomas.  Jesus rolls his eyes, throws up his arms, and heads for the kitchen.  Upon opening the kitchen door, we see Doubting kneeling on the floor beside an overturned cake.  Jesus, filled with rage, calls Doubting a klutz and tells him to get out of the apartment.  Doubting tries to force back his tears as he runs out.  Jesus sighs and begins to pick up the ruined cake.

SEGMENT TWO
Jesus' cousin John the Baptist (played by Jesus D.M. Christ himself in a wacky dual role!) arrives.  It is obvious that Mr. Baptist is quite the swinger, and he attempts to bring Jesus along for the ride.

He arrives with a chick under each arm.  They are Swedish twins named Sherri and Terri.  "You know they're good when they're names rhyme!", chuckles a slightly sober Johnny Baptist before dragging Jesus and his two bimbos off to the bar.  Jesus, who was given Terri as a date, tries his best to impress her.

"Did I tell you I walk on water?  Oh I did?  Silly me."  None of his tricks work.  Even when he turns water into wine, Terri turns away in disgust.   "I only drink Peach Schnopps," she sniffs.  Just when Jesus couldn't feel any worse, John decides to take off with his two luscious ladies.  Terri is bored by Jesus' lame attempts at romance, so she gladly takes off with Johnny.

"Listen, baby, I can't help it if you're square.  Ciao," says Johnny with a wave.  Jesus sighs and is left paying the bill.

SEGMENT THREE
Jesus returns to his apartment feeling dejected.  As he is just about to open the door, we hear a meek Doubting Thomas down the hall.  "I just thought I should return your Meat Loaf tape," he says shyly.

Jesus tries to hide his glee as Doubting approaches with the tape.  After all, in times of trouble, all you need is some Meat Loaf and a good friend.  Doubting asks Jesus how his night went, and Jesus staggers to an apology.  He realizes that the good Mr. Thomas was only trying to help, even though he can't do anything right.   They share a hug, some laughs, and a pot of tea before settling down and listening to the sweet sounds of "Bat Out of Hell."

GOLDEN QUOTE
"Listen babe.  I don't do the contraceptive thing."
--Johnny Baptist

REFLECTIONS ON EPISODE #105
"I had a great time playing Johnny.  I got to wear lots of fun make-up, and the mullet wig was a nice touch.  I threw in a couple extra winks in the scenes to give the character some extra flavor.  You can barely notice the mirror trick we use to create John.  If you look closely at the credits, you see that Ernest Borgnine was my stand-in for this episode.  He was a great sport about everything, and we even sang show tunes together between takes.  We both agree that 'Miracle of Miracles' kicks some serious ass."
--Jesus D.M. Christ

EPISODE CREDITS
PRODUCED BY:  Tobyvision, Inc.
DIRECTED BY:  John Inman
WRITTEN BY: John Irving, Cree Summer, Toby the Fork
CONTRIBUTING WRITER:  Tootie Ramsey
STARRING:  Jesus D.M. Christ as Himself and Johnny Baptist ... Bea Arthur as Doubting R. Thomas III ... Jenny Jones as Sherri ... Barbara Walters as Terri

For our What About Jesus? pre-launch interview with the Messiah Himself, click here!