EPISODE #108: ELECTRIC FRIDAY
SEGMENT ONE
Jesus sits quietly in his favorite coffee shop and sips his favorite
drink: a double latte zinger with whipped cream and Eucharist. Suddenly, Doubting
R. Thomas sneaks up behind him and slaps him on the back! Jesus finds his
nose covered in whipped cream. Hilarity ensues.
After wiping off his frothy nose, Jesus turns to Thomas and asks about his day.
Thomas goes on and on about his trip to the "most glorious Staples."
There is a gleam on delight as Thomas describes the brilliance of America's favorite
office supply store in graphic detail, comparing it to "an undulating bitch in
heat." Thomas urges Jesus to accompany him to his fifth daily visit to the
sparkling aisles of office supplies. Jesus sighs and agrees to join him.
Thomas jumps up in glee and knocks over a waitress. Somehow, a man's toupee ends up
flying off his head. Thomas replies with his lovable smile and shrug.
SEGMENT TWO
Jesus and Thomas arrive at Staples. Thomas rubs his hands together in delight while
Jesus strives to make the trip as short as possible. Eventually, they find
themselves surrounded by a myriad of pens of all shapes and sizes. Thomas, bending
down to tie his shoe, finds a most unusual discovery on the bottom shelf. "A
bag of Bic pens!" cries he. Jesus grabs the pens and studies them for a moment.
They are no different from any other average pen. In fact, Jesus sees
approximately three other pens that are more appropriate for today's Messiah on the go.
He tells Thomas so.
"Bah," whispered Thomas orgasmically. "These are perfect. These
are delightful." Jesus frowns and examines the pens once more.
Sadly, Thomas and Jesus only have a dollar fifty between them. Thomas curses Jesus
for buying his double latte. Then, Thomas comes up with a brilliant idea. He
snaps his fingers as a kooky light bulb flashes above his head. Of course!
How had he been such a fool?! He realizes that stealing is the answer! All
the stars do it! Just look at Winona Ryder!
"C'mon Jesus...you know you want to be cool...." Thomas places a brotherly
arm around Jesus.
"I don't know, Thomas," says Jesus with a frown. "It directly goes
against the Commandments."
"Oh please, JC, anybody who's anybody steals from Staples nowadays. Don't you
know that?" Thomas smiles and slips the precious Bic pens into Jesus' robe.
Jesus doesn't notice.
"No," says Jesus with a sigh. "I won't steal!" Jesus runs
out of the aisle sobbing hysterically. As he sprints through the front door of
Staples, the pens in his pocket set off the alarm! Guards rush out and grab Jesus.
Thomas tries to hide his guilt as depressing music plays.
SEGMENT THREE
Jesus is arrested and put on trial. He is found guilty and put to death by
electrocution. Feeling partially responsible, Thomas goes to confession and is
forced to say two Hail Mary's for his actions. "Man, I sure feel better,"
Thomas says. Jesus is resurrected three days later and returns home, where he and
Thomas have a good laugh.
GOLDEN QUOTE
"Owie."
-- Jesus D.M. Christ
REFLECTIONS ON EPISODE #108
"I think this episode really stretched my acting abilities. I really think
that, in the end, I made the audience laugh, cry, and share a feeling or two."
-- Electric Chair
EPISODE CREDITS
PRODUCED BY: Tobyvision, Inc.
DIRECTED BY: Pier Paolo Pasolini
WRITTEN BY: Toby the Fork (head writer), Jesus D.M. Christ, Erin K.
Gleeson, Captain Honeydukes, Jose The Magic Tampon, Norm Mankelstein, Steve Ruiz
CONTRIBUTING WRITER: Old Sparky
STARRING: Jesus D.M. Christ as Himself ... Berkeley Breathed as
Doubting Thomas III ... Electric Chair as itself
For our What About Jesus? pre-launch interview with the Messiah Himself, click here!