EPISODE #109:  HERE COME DE JUDGE

SEGMENT ONE
Nearing the end of a long day at his cookie shop, Jesus was about to begin the process of closing up when his nutty pal Doubting R. Thomas came bursting in!  "Jeez-baby," he shouted breathlessly, "I just heard that that son of a bitch Judas sprained his ankle in a company softball game this afternoon!  Isn't that great?"

This would normally be a reason for celebration, but Jesus noticed that Doubting may have damaged the door to the cookie shop when he rushed in so recklessly!  Upon further inspection, Jesus discovered that Doubting had broken a hinge.  He rolled his eyes and walked towards Doubting, preparing to scold him, when a customer attempted to enter the store.  Thrown off by the busted hinge, the customer immediately scrambled off, shouting, "I cannot, I will not, frequent a business with faulty doors."  Well, you could've fried an egg on Jesus' head after that!

"Doubting R. Thomas, I'm taking you to court!" he yelled.

SEGMENT TWO
The next scene takes place at small claims court.  Jesus and Doubting, barely speaking to one another, exchange bitter glances while muttering insults under their breath.  Soon they are led into the courtroom, and are asked to rise when the judge, an easily irritable black woman, enters the courtroom and takes her seat on the bench.

Jesus explains his side of the story without incident.  The judge then asks the defendant, Doubting, for a rebuttal.  Doubting begins rapping as a way of trying to kiss up to the judge.  This only annoys her.  She makes the first of many hollow threats to hold Doubting in contempt of court.  Doubting and Jesus soon begin to openly argue in court about personal petty issues, drawing uproarious laughter from the laugh track.  The judge gets annoyed again, yet does little to rectify the problem.   She bangs her gavel at one point, threatening to dismiss the case entirely.   Jesus apologizes by saying, "I'm sorry, yo' honor."  The judge again becomes angry.  Nevertheless, she recovers and eventually retires to her chambers to deliberate, with her decision pending shortly.

SEGMENT THREE
The judge returns from chambers (everyone is again forced to stand up for the piddling small claims judge), and begins reading her ruling.  She begins by criticizing Jesus, leading Doubting R. Thomas to believe he is going to win.  He openly cheers, causing another angry rebuke from the bench.  Then the judge completes the verdict, and the ruling turns out to be for Jesus!  Unfortunately, he only gets one dollar in damages, as the judge is so annoyed with both of them that she refuses to give either one the satisfaction of a true victory.  She concludes by renouncing her Christianity and converting to Satanism, and everyone has a good laugh in the end.

GOLDEN QUOTE
"If I never have anyone like you two jokers in my courtroom again, I'll consider myself saved."
-- De Judge

REFLECTIONS ON EPISODE #109
"This episode was filmed in the same courtroom where Pee Wee Herman was convicted of public indecency.  Our whole cast couldn't have been more excited.  To commemorate the occasion, when filming wrapped, we even went to the adult theater where Pee Wee once worked his magic.  You could almost feel the ghosts from the past in the place.  I also condemned everyone in there to eternal damnation.  God, sometimes this show is so much fun."
-- Jesus D.M. Christ

EPISODE CREDITS
PRODUCED BY:  Tobyvision, Inc.
DIRECTED BY:  John Raulston
WRITTEN BY: Toby the Fork (head writer), Jesus D.M. Christ, Erin K. Gleeson, Captain Honeydukes, Jose The Magic Tampon, Norm Mankelstein, Steve Ruiz
CONTRIBUTING WRITER:  Judge Taylor
STARRING:  Jesus D.M. Christ as Himself ... Vicki Lawrence as Doubting Thomas III ... Judge Reinhold as the judge

For our What About Jesus? pre-launch interview with the Messiah Himself, click here!